Dear Ellella,

Long time no talk. I've missed you quite a bit. Well anyways, summer is here :) It's been a pretty relaxing summer I have to say, mostly composed of shopping trips with friends, indoor movie nights, MW2 & LBP on the PS3, family bonding, smores, coffee outings, adventures around Pasadena, pancakes in Hollywood, vitamin D absorption, and plenty of SPF. So far so good. I do have some summer reading to do, but that can wait. Plenty of zzz's help me think better, and I guess this is why I'm writing to you today.

Well, well, well... Where shall we begin our rendezvous with words? So much has happened since I last wrote to you. Way to much for comfort. First, lets start off with your nice boy. He's nice. Too nice. These newly acquired brain cells from my extra zzz's made me realize something very very important. I'm bored. I'm bored of having the same conversations, same phone calls, same EVERYTHING! But then again, he thinks they're the best conversations in the world. He likes me too much. Wayy too much. The sound of my voice makes his day, while the sound of his makes me annoyed. Coffee shops and malls remind him of me, while absolutely nothing reminds me of him. He calls, I reject. He texts, I ignore. I'm turning into quite a bitch. I'm turning into my ex boyfriend. The boy I loved. The boy who broke my heart, which in turn helped me to turn into the strong person I am today. The person who does not want to be tied down by nice people, by an overly-nice boy. But also the person who leads people on, who gives boys hopes and happiness, who lies to them, who gives them a false idea of love. I'm turning into J_______. Oh boy... That's not nice. I should stop, but then again, I can't. I can't hurt my nice boy the way he hurt me. I just can't.... He doesn't deserve that.
He deserves better, better than me.

Oh what shall I do Ellella? He thinks everything is just fine and dandy. For me, it's like pulling teeth. Well, at least I have a month to think things through since he's in Washington on vacation. I hope I figure things out before he finds out himself. But if he does, then it's fine with me.
As bitchy and mean as it sounds, I'll be happy as pie once he's out of the picture.
I'll be free.
Free to do as I please without jealousy and worrying from nice boys.

Oh yes I almost forgot. There's another issue I wanted to notify you about. Its about J_______. Sure he hurt me in every single way possible, but I loved it. I guess you can call me masochistic in a way. I enjoyed the arguing, the lies, the bullshit, the drama, the wasted tears... Everything. The drama was exciting, exhilarating, enjoyable... I lived off of it. I breathed it in, drank it up, lived off of every moment it brought with it. It was my cocaine, and I was turning into an addict. Then I went to rehab and became happy. That was where Mr. Therapy (nice boy) came along and made it even more better. All was well. But then a month passed and deep down came a very familiar feeling, too familiar. The intense urge to relapse, to take in all the cocaine that I worked so hard to get away from. I wanted it. I could feel it going inside of me, I could taste it, I could remember every emotion and feeling that came with it. I craved it. Yet I knew it wouldn't be pleasant territory if I went back that same road. I was on a good, straight road, I still am. I just can't get over that craving.
I'm bored. And I need it. I need it soon.
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Unfortunately, mine is growing fonder for the supplier of my addiction. Its growing fonder for him, the one who broke me. It's sad, you know. He's in love with someone else. He has been for about 2 months now. I could never understand how she stopped a player from playing the game, but I couldn't. I guess it was never meant to be. But he's clean now cause of her. She was his Ms. Therapy. She still is. Now I'm the one who's relapsing, and I can't stop. I can't stop from turning into him. I know I'm gonna hurt my nice boy. I'm gonna tear his heart apart and rip it from every angle. I know I'm gonna make him cry. I know I'm gonna make him regret ever liking me. I know I'm gonna regret all the lies I keep telling him to make him happy. I know he's gonna fall in love with me eventually.
I'm just here waiting. Waiting for the moment when all of that happens.
When it does, I might just sit there and smile.
Cause with all of that drama, my craving will finally be satisfied.
Once an addict, always an addict.

Sincerely,
___________

xoxo